Saturday, September 15, 2018
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Optimistic X: The Clown's Prayer
Optimistic X: The Clown's Prayer: Chris Farley kept this poem in his wallet and as do I for motivation and inspiration.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
33 reasons to smile
I wish I could remember who I got this from and whether I remembered to say thanks, but in either case enjoy and may you find your own reason to smile:
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
4. Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them.
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
11. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.
12. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
14. God must love stupid people; he made so many.
15. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
16. It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
17. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
18. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
19. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup crew.
20. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.
21. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
22. Procrastinate Now!
23. My dog can lick anyone!
24. I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?
25. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
26. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
27. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
28. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
29. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
30. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
31. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three thousand times the memory on your computer.
32. HAM AND EGGS -- A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
33. The trouble with life is there's no background music
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
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